Most people believe that being vulnerable is a bad thing.  If you are walking alone in a city at night, I guess they are right.  But there are times when being vulnerable can open our lives up to new and wonderful experiences.

Dr. James Messina of coping.org says that people who avoid being vulnerable believe:

-Never let anyone know how you feel!
-Men never cry!
-Being over-emotional is a feminine trait that leads to becoming an hysteric!
-I may be down, but I'll never let them know it.!
-I have been hurt by others in the past, and I'll never let others hurt me again!
-You are bound to get hurt if you open yourself up to another person.
-Nothing can help me overcome the pain I feel!
-There is nothing to be gained by my breaking down emotionally!

These attitudes can cause us to be on the offensive and blame others rather than taking responsibility for our actions.  They may also result in an inability to accept help when we need it, make us wear a mask rather than being authentic or be overly helpful to others in order to hide our feelings.

By risking a little vulnerability we are giving ourselves a much better chance to have a more meaningful, fulfilled life. 

Dr. Messina says being open to new possibilities in life enables you to explore your options more freely and to gain insight into the healthiest and most productive, growth-enhancing alternatives for yourself.  Not always pleasing or placating others (letting them see your negative side) enables you to feel less responsible for everyone elses' welfare and takes the sense of burden out of your life  

Using healthy communication,with good give and take enables you to clarify areas in which you need to grow, to change, improve, and strengthen your relationships. Being open to deal with emotional issues gives you a chance to identify the blocked feelings and beliefs that have prevented you from enjoying full health and well-being.  Letting others into your "emotional life space" enables you the opportunity to experience an authentic, supportive, growth-enhancing relationship.

So, how do we learn to dispel our old beliefs and be a little more vulnerable?  It can be difficult at first because we believe that not being vulnerable has kept us safe.  But has it really?   Do you have the life you want?  Are your relationships all you want them to be?

If not, then maybe taking the chance on being a little bit more open might bring some things into your life that you desire. You don't have to just throw off all your protection and go into the world as an open book.  Start slowly.  Try one little risky thing and see how it goes.

Journaling is an excellent way to begin this practice.  Try being more "real" in your journal writing. Try to write about your honest emotions.  What are you really feeling?

Writing about a situation where you are not proud of your behavior is a great start.  Be honest about what you did, and why you did it and how you feel about it.  Try to avoid justifying your behavior or blaming others for your behavior. Write only about you.

If you can do this in your journal, knowing no one will ever see it, then later you might be able to risk being more honest with a person you have some trust for.

Dr. Messina give the following journal exercise:

Step 4:   If you still find yourself avoiding becoming vulnerable to growth, try the following activity:

A Tale of Two People

a. Write a short autobiography, telling your life story from the perspective of another person, one who is closed off from others to avoid being vulnerable.

b. Write a second short autobiography, telling your life history, but this time from the perspective of you freely opening yourself, being vulnerable to grow. Discuss your relationships, work, family, and community activities.

c. Compare your stories and answer the following questions:

(1)     Which person is more successful in life?

(2)     Which person is more appealing to you?

(3)     Which person is more appealing to others?

(4)     What are the benefits to being either (1) open to being vulnerable or (2) closed to being vulnerable?

(5)     Which story is more true of the current you?

(6)     Which story do you want to be more true of you?

(7)     What steps do you need to take to make the more successful story real for you?

(8)     What obstacles stand in your way of achieving the success story?

(9)     From whom do you need help in order to achieve your success story?

(10)   What changes in your life are necessary for the success story to become true for you?

Step 5:  If you find yourself unable to become vulnerable after completing Steps 1 through 4, return to Step 1 and begin again.