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Healing Through Looking at the Past
By Zura | June 26, 2008
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”
~Ernest Hemingway
I believe that it’s important to look into our past to find clues that will help us live better today. Finding the causes of some of our behaviors gives us information we need in order to change those behaviors. Understanding how I adapted to my environment as a child has given me valuable insight and allowed me to choose how I respond in most areas of my life as an adult.
But where is the fine line between using the past as a tool for growth, and dwelling in the past? The key difference is whether we are living in the past or just visiting it long enough to get what we need to heal. Recognizing patterns in our responses requires that we find the first time we had that response. Taking that trip back to childhood is necessary but we don’t have to pack a trunk and make it an extended stay.
If I can tell you how my childhood affected me in some way that I don’t like, and I can also tell you how I’ve used this knowledge to be closer to who I want to become then I’m healing the broken places and becoming stronger. But if I just want to tell you how hard I had it, that’s not helpful to me or you in any way. It actual weakens us to relive, over and over, the hurts we’ve suffered.
Forgiveness of those who hurt us, and of ourselves, as well as gratitude are the best tools for living in the here and now. This is what makes us able to be strong in the broken places. Resentment, self pity and staying in the role of victim hold us in the past, rob us of our joy and prevent us from spreading love.
Journaling about past hurts is a wonderful tool to help us move from resentment and anger into forgiveness and release. Try writing about a past hurt when you feel ready. Write all the details you need to write until it’s all out. Only then should you move to work on forgiveness. It may take a whole journal to get it all out, but once you start you are on your way to becoming stronger.
Topics: Art |
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:09 pm
You are so right Z. My journaling has been such a God-send to me in my healing through my childhood traumas (and there are a LOT of them to go through). I am learning the art of forgiveness, especially when it comes to me, I have to forgive myself first. I am learning how to care for myself first now and it is hard after I’ve been “mothering” everyone else for so long. This is a wonderful post Zura, very well said.
July 15th, 2008 at 7:43 am
I no longer hurt over childhood traumas, but in my forties I am beginning to recognize how they have shaped my responses to life and relationships in particular. Things such as; I experience the love of another as a manipulation, I feel like expressing affection is a form of groveling and humiliation, etc.
What I take away from reading this is that I need to take what I learned from these experiences and apply them to the places that need healing. This could be an intense, long going journal project.
I am going to print out this entry and paste it in my journal so that I am reminded (with your permission). Thank you for penning these words. Somehow they reached a place in my heart that needed reaching.
July 15th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Holly, I’m jst now seeing this comment from you. I can’t tell you how happy I am to know that you are learning to forgive yourself. That’s the place it has to start!! Nurturing ourselves is difficult but it makes so much — HUGE– difference in the quality of our lives when we can!
July 15th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Roma, thank you so much for your comment. Yes, very well put that trauma “shapes our responses to life”. Responses it the key word for me. Just this weekend my boyfriend and I were discussing an issue and when I said how I felt about it he said “I’m not your ex husband. Do you think that’s being fair to me?” It helped me see that I’m responding to him from a past hurt, rather than to HIM and how HE is.
It is a long process but I encourage you to do it for yourself. The joy I have in my life now is so worth the hard work I did, digging deep.
My friend Luna shared this with me today, and I’ll pass it on to you…
“But then all that fire does it’s magic to refine us and burn away the impurities, leaving streaks of pure gold to fill up the scarred places. I read about the repair of sacred japanese tea cups that were repaired with gold when they were broken. Isn’t that just the most wonderful way to think of ourselves. As cracked and broken vessels who have been put back together with precious gold so that where we were most vulnerable just shines?”
By all means print out this post if it helps you, Roma. And feel free to comment here or write me an email if you feel you need encouragement when the going gets tough!
You are already showing strength in the broken places, just by commenting and deciding to nurture yourself by journaling about this. Bless you!