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Loose threads
By Zura | May 17, 2008
I need to journal so bad today. But I don’t have time. I am going fishing! How fun is THAT? So, I have to get ready to go and can’t process in my journal all that is going on in my head.
I have interviewed three amazing people in the past two days and so many things they said touched me in a really profound way. It has my mind going and I really want to follow these thoughts.
My “fishing buddy” says he sees it as a loose thread and he doesn’t know where it leads. That’s an apt description of how processing things is for me. I have all these loose threads in my mind and I need to journal to find out where they are going.
One of the things on my mind is how I talk. I was raised in west Texas so of course everyone thinks I have an accent. I don’t see it as an accent, but I realize not many speak the way I do who live outside that area. lol But I never minded it. I felt that some people judged me for it, and they assumed I was ignorant or stupid, but I prided myself in fooling them. But, since I’ve been doing podcasts and making videos with narration the past couple of weeks, I’ve had to listen to myself a LOT while editing. And ewwwww I hate the way I sound!
I don’t mind the accent - like how I say “nahs” for “nice”, or that i make two syllable words out of one syllable ones. But I realize that I say “em” for them, and I say “ha’nt” for both hasn’t and hadn’t. Ugh!
My friend Tom, speaks perfectly and I love hearing him talk. I spoke with him last night about my accent and he encouraged me to work on it if it’s bothering me. There is a part of me that does want to work on improving my pronunciation. And there is a part of me that feels like that is not authentic. I’ve talked this way for 58 years. People understand what I’m saying to them, and isn’t that the point of communication? The question seems to be is this improvement, as in bettering myself? Or is it trying to be something I’m not?
Topics: Journaling, Reflection |
May 20th, 2008 at 7:29 am
Nobody ever likes the way they sound to themselves! I remember listening to cassette tapes of myself when I was a kid and I kept telling my Mum, “that’s not me, it doesn’t sound like me, that person sounds terrible!” Believe me, there is nothing wrong with the way you talk! I love hearing you speak, I don’t notice the different way you pronounce things. I get offended when visitors laugh at my Canadian “accent” and some people sound so ignorant to me! Please don’t change the way you talk, I love how you talk and couldn’t imagine you sounding any other way! What would your grandkids think? They wouldn’t even recognize you!!! lol.
May 20th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Thank you so much for this, Holly. It has helped to get some honest feedback from friends, like you! I am trying to embrace myself and quit criticizing. I wouldn’t do that to anyone I care about, wonder why I’m so hard on me?